All These Things...
This was written back in May 2020...I hope to write an update as soon as I have 2-3 minutes of quite time:
Since this blog is entitled Fellowship of the Cross I wanted to write down briefly what that has looked like for myself and my family during this time. Everyones cross is different..but its still a cross and crosses are used for one thing...so fellowship with me on this short journey.
We moved here to our temporary new place back in June of 2019. New opportunity brought on by failure had us move a few states over from Texas. For a number of years I had bought into the idea that what would make my world right would be financial freedom. I had a young family and wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, but still be able to go and do all the big family things we could think of...nothing wrong with that right. Everything I put my hands to failed. Business, career, etc, even being a husband and father were slipping through my finger's because of the internal drive churning inside me to make something happen.
A very long story short we landed in Georgia. I had an opportunity to do what I loved, but had decided because of my previous selfish mindset that I was done trying to do anything for money or success and whatever all that looked like. My new goal was to help someone else be, or continue to be, successful. I had been at peace the most in my life when I had that mindset so I boiled my purpose down to simply "help others reach their goals" and that became my agenda.
Fast forward a bit. The new gig is going to take a while to get going, and I'm ok with that, so I go find a job at a retail store that is easy to get in and easy to get out. We have a little money to live on from the sale of our house, but my wife and I know that the portion of those funds set aside are going to run out quickly, and we aren't looking to drain that since we will need a permanent dwelling in the near future. As money is running thin relatively quickly I'm religiously listening to a podcast from the guys at the Bible Project on a weekly basis. This particular series was on "Generosity" and they were discussing Abundance vs Scarcity via the text in the Gospel of Matthew in which Jesus is explaining how the birds and flowers have what they need simply because God provides for them. They have more than they actually need for the most part. Then they come to the all important part of the conversation Jesus is having when he says "hey, your Father in heaven knows you need all these things you worry about...Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and all that stuff will be added." For the first time in my life (shaking my head) I realized how secondary our needs in the world are compared to seeking his kingdom and his righteousness. What had made that realization late in coming you ask? I had love for the World...plain and simple. A tough pill to swallow but one that desperately needed to be choked down.
One of the great points the guys (Tim and Jon) at the Bible Project made is that from the beginning we humans have had this idea that we are being held out on..that there isn't enough...that floored me. It was true...at least for me it was. I always had the thought "why can't I get ahead"...but I should have been asking.."what is enough?" or "how do I know when I don't have enough?" or even "how do I know when I'm ahead?" Then I realized how foolish I really was...how many times had I had the thought of seeking the kingdom so that I could get "all these things"? SMH...I repented and decided that come what may I'm seeking the King and the Kingdom and let him decide what we need.
Well..not long after that I was introduced to a gentleman who we will call Mr. M because he wouldn't want credit and would rather have his reward stored else where if you know what I mean. He got to know me and without me expressing any needs whatsoever started delivering things to our family. Somehow he would have enough to buy household supplies for us for 2 months...then he had a church deliver enough to last for 3 months. This happened to around Christmas time and we all know how super relaxing that time of year is...you know with our spiritualized materialism and endless justifications for spending. I won't get into the details, to once again to protect the stored reward for these folks, but with all who gave supplies and cash we were able to have enough to buy groceries for 3 months and use the money I made to pay the other bills..car, electric, water, etc.
During this time my wife and I were also in some "discussions" (if you know what I mean) about job and money...(and money)....if you know what I mean. Rightly so she was concerned we would run out...mostly because we were. I had been floored by what our Heavenly Father had provided for us. I wanted to work and find something a little more substantial, but in asking Jesus what do I do...I just felt that he wanted me to "wait." I can't explain it really...well I kind of can but that is an entirely different blog post. To be perfectly honest (how does one be imperfectly honest...anyway) it wasn't hard to obey his promptings here. He had provided the past few months...why wouldn't he continue...he said he would.
Another long story made somewhat shorter I ended up getting a promotion and raise at the store and through Mr. M an opportunity to start doing what I love opened in a town nearby. I applied for some other jobs and "things" would happen that just made them not go through. Go figure right..again..not surprised. During all this I started to see that Jesus tells the truth...He wasn't joking when he said if you will seek my Kingdom all that other stuff gets tossed in. Now don't get me wrong..we are not going to break records for income this year. We haven't found careers that look like they are going to take off and give us that success we've always wanted because now we are "really" following Jesus...nah, he did what he said he would do...he said, "I know what you need...you do this over here and I'll take care of all that." We haven't missed a bill...we haven't missed a meal...we have actually had to give away some of what is given to us because we simply don't have room in the pantry, fridge, or closet. We have even had extra money to help some other folks in need...a lot?..I don't know...define a lot. Would we have been fine without others being generous...maybe, maybe not...but the point was that he provided an abundance...not of riches, but of needs through others who were seeking him and his righteousness.
Now for these current events...the COVID 19 (or whatever we are calling it this week) pandemic hits.,.the great run on toilet paper begins...we still haven't used all that was given to us at Christmas...shocking for a family of 6. The company I'm with really does its best to help ease the financial burden by allowing us to work 20 hours but then comp us anther 20 so we don't lose out. I actually made more during that time because I usually work 30-35hrs/week...but soon they would have to furlough us...thankfully that only lasted 2 weeks and they still are paying me 2 weeks of "payed time off." While furloughed I landed a quick job at an essential business and they were so busy I ended up with a bonus for the 4 days I worked before being called back to my previous job. Have we flourished financially...by the worlds standards..not by a long shot. Have we had an abundance..in every way without a doubt. With others generosity, work pay, good ole stimulus funds(which we didn't need so just put in savings), and other side jobs we have been able to save what we lost in our move last June....mind blowing really. But not really..we still have people check on us..we still have people wanting to give. We have to turn down gifts because we just don't have room...like none, no joke.
So I said all that to say...our "panic"-demic happened last year. We went through the toughest time in our marriage, family, and careers to date. We learned that abundance is relative. We learned that Jesus does tell the truth...he actually did say following him is hard...its picking up your cross and laying your life down. Laying down what I think God wants for my life and asking him what he's doing...letting go of my allegiance to a World that is concerned only with using me and my production and deciding to kneel to a King who is concerned about me actually living by living through me to provide that abundant life.
Seeking Him won't mean we won't die from the virus, it won't mean we're going to have extra money, it won't mean we're going to flourish during a pandemic...it does mean however that we get the King and He knows what we need..are we ok with that?
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